i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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