i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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