I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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