I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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