my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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