Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
