We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
