my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
