I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
