Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
