so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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