I wish my penis had an off switch
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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