Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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