omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
the liver wants what the liver wants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
