I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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