i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
