It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
