I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
