just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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