Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
