she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
