i jhust puked up my retainher.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
