Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
