I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
