Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
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He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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