I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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