I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize