sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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