i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
