if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
