im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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