I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
