I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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