i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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