Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
