i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
