3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
