I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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