Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
