My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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