I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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