How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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