she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
