So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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