A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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