yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
