she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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