guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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