Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
