A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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