i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
