I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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