My first STD was from a foam party
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
