My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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