nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
