so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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