i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
