in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I licked your asshole in confidence.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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