My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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