I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
