I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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