I faked an abortion last night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
