Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a search helicopter?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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