Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
