you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who died my cat blue again?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
