Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
