just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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