yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize