so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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