Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
