Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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