im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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