If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
