For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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