About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
