used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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