Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
