we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
