The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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