your thong is hanging out like whoa
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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