I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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